Movies, music, cartoons, comics, food, and television. That's just the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.


Crazy, They Call Me

I wrote this for my school newspaper, El Paisano, a few weeks ago. I thought I’d share it with you all.

As an American I tend to spend more time with my television than my loved ones. It’s just a sad fact of life; since I no longer feel what you humans call ‘emotion’ I don’t need to be part of your world. However, something that always seems to amaze me is how quickly the mainstream media can forget about something.

I’ve noticed this before, but I suppose this is the first time I ever decided to say anything about it. Within the last few weeks it seems like only one thing has happened in the world, that being that Charlie Sheen is one of the craziest people alive. Yes, the star of great movies like ‘Platoon’ and crappy shows like ‘Two and a Half Men’ has gone over the edge once more. It turns out that he’s high on tiger blood and doesn’t need the rest of the world. He’s become a walking train wreck and there is nothing that America loves more than a train wreck.

Charlie Sheen’s antics have made it easy to forget the little things in life like war, death of labor unions and a tsunami. Instead of showing us the important things going on in the world it seems that the mainstream media has decided to show us whatever will get them higher ratings. Sheen’s little meltdown has all the right things to get boosted ratings. Someone famous? Check. Public breakdown? Check. Murder and death? Not yet…

How far will the media let this go before they decide to cut all ties from the story? Sheen is feeding off of their attention so it seems like this may be an endless cycle. I say we make a show of it. Every Wednesday night at nine we’ll have Charlie Sheen do a live show. We’ll have everything, drugs, women in skimpy outfits, a hell of a lot of cursing, and of course our star, Charlie Sheen. Let’s make this show the most deprived thing on the air and at the end of the season we’ll see Sheen blow his brains out on live television! Because that’s what we want, we want to see someone who is rich and famous suffer. Imagine the ratings.

Now I’m not saying that you won’t find an opinion piece on Charlie Sheen in this paper, you try to do layout for this newspaper and not add articles that you don’t agree with, but this is El Paisano. If you get all of your news from this paper then may God have mercy on your soul. I’m just saying that news outlets like ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, Time, and others need to get their priorities straight. If they wanted to make jokes about how insane Charlie Sheen is then they should write for the Daily Show or Cracked. (However, this wouldn’t work since all of their jokes are terrible.)

Has it really come to a point in our lives where the ratings of a news show are on par with journalistic integrity? It seems like everything that ever happened in the movie ‘Network’ has come true. There was a time when the idea of corporate shills running the news was something that people feared. Today it’s just reality.

TIGER!!!(That’s right, I made a Street Fighter reference.)