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Animated Women Who I am Attracted To: Velma

Throughout history man has always had complicated choices in their life. These choices tear people apart and make countries go to war. These choices vary from God or Satan, Star Wars or Star Trek, Marvel or DC, Metallica or Megadeth to many others. Blood has been spilled over these choices. But today I bring to you my choice in one of the most controversial decisions in the history of man. A question that has made men commit seppeku before having to choose between either choice. I am of course referring to the daunting question of Velma or Daphne?


You should know my answer by now.

Daphne is great and all, but let’s be serious, would you really want to be with Daphne? I mean she seems like she might be a prude if it wasn’t for her hanging out with a stoner, his dog and the gorgeous Velma. No, for me Velma is the only way to go, I can imagine the date me and her would have. First we’d meet up at an independent movie theater and watch one of those indie comedies that just oozes with charm and quirkiness. Then we walk to a near by diner and talk about the movie. She thinks it was good, but feels like it couldn’t find the right genre it was going for. She explains that half the scenes were like Napoleon Dynamite and the other half felt like they needed to add some sort of drama so they gave us the whole thing about the dog dying and tried to make it feel like the little girl’s use of symbolism through her toys was a some sort of intelligent device. I agree, but I tell her that as a boy I used my toys to tell stories all the time, so I felt that it wasn’t that weak of a symbolic device between her and her family. I also like how the gay kid was always getting interrupted when he decided to come out of the closet. She’d laugh and then we would go for a walk through the park talking about different things. Soon enough me and her would hit a snag in the conversation when I say I’m not that big of a Cure fan. I’ll explain my problem with the band stems mostly from relationship issues and the fact that Robert Smith was talking shit about Queen. She’ll understand and ask me if I’d like to go to her house for some coffee and listen to some albums on vinyl. I fall in love right there and we go to her house. It’s about the time me and her are smoking a joint and listening to the Smiths that she asks me what I’m looking for in a girl. I tell her that I just want a girl who is easy going and doesn’t try to control me. The Headmaster Ritual comes on and she softly kisses me on the cheek and says I have to go soon because she has work in the morning. I stay quiet for a bit and try not to blush although there is no denying that I am. I bid her farewell and hug her and at the last second I kiss her on the cheek when she least expects it. I go back home while blasting Eddy Grant’s Electric Avenue on my iPod.

Seems pretty awesome, am I right?

Daphne Smoke

Damn, that just makes her look bad ass.

I don’t know when this fascination with Velma began. I know for a fact that I didn’t really like her when I first saw Scooby Doo, but I guess as I grew up my interest changed and Velma seemed like a more interesting character. Also she’s smart and has glasses, that just means she’s super sexy. Although it seems that she is currently dating Shaggy in the new Scooby-Doo show, Scooby-Doo Mystery Incorporated, so I guess that means she’s finally off the market. After a short stint dating Seth Green she finally got with one of her friends. Which is fine with me, I wish them all the luck in the world.

Mystery Inc

Lucky fast metabolism having stoner…

Since Velma is such a nice girl I am adding her as the first inductee to Animated Women Who I am Attracted To. Good job Velma, you deserved it.

Velma Tied Up

She will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine.